Life: an update.

Summer is fading into fall, and I realize it's been far too long since I last wrote anything of any personal importance. I'm still here. Still alive. I've had a day to myself to reflect, while staying home sick from work and school. Life marches ever forward for me, but I'm kinda not sure exactly where it's going anymore. Am I just along for the ride? Have I any part in the decision of where I end up?

I'm on the "F" track. I always laugh when I tell this to other people. But deep inside, I wonder sometimes if I really am setting myself up for failure. Teaching is a wonderful idea. But will I be any good at it?

I have so many dreams of how life will turn out for me. I remember back when I was a young child I always wanted to be married by the time I was 18 so that I would be young when I had children and get to spend as much time with them as possible. I wanted to be alive for great great grand children. I'd tell myself to find a highschool sweetheart and go from there...

Needless to say that never happened. And the me of today does not feel ready, a full 2 years past my former deadline of marriage. In theory it would've been great. But then... who am I to say what will or will not happen to me? I may never marry. I may be married within the next 8 months. I have no control here. And sometimes it scares me, but other times it excites me.

I leave my life in God's extremely capable hands. Capable of protecting me. Capable of encouraging and comforting me. The only one who loves me all the time, even when I get into my terrible moods and become a monster. He's the one who tells me that I'm beautiful because He made me that way.

Sometimes I just have to remind myself.